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"Virus Hoax:
Malicious Code Example"
Virus Hoax Warnings: Page 5
of 39
Good Times Spoof
The following spoof of the good times hoax is too well done not to
include here. We believe this was written by Patrick J Rothfuss; if
this is incorrect, we apologize to the true author.
December 1996 READ THIS:
Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will
scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will
recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace
field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave
its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants
and hide your car keys when you are late for work.
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give
you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas
tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend
behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your
Discover card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead,
such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to
sully those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.
It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your
boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is
dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting
shade of mauve.
Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet
seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub and
then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase
gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist.
It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this message
to everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your family. If
anyone else sends me another E-mail about this fake Goodtimes Virus,
I will turn hating them into a religion. I will do things to them
that would make a horsehead in your bed look like Easter Sunday
brunch.
So there, take that Good Times.
Copyright 2004 by Jay Jennings
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