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"Virus Hoax:
Urband Legend Example"
Virus Hoax Warnings: Page 41
of 57
Universal Legend Spoof
April 2002
Anyone who has read this site knows how much I like a good spoof. The
spoofs actually seem to do a better job at convincing people that what
they are reading is not real then any bulletin I can send out. If you
like spoofs, this one contains just about every urban legend and myth
that you have ever seen, plus a few that you have not seen. Compose
yourself, relax, take a deep breath and read the following Important
Hoax Information!
Subject: Fw: Important Hoax Information!
The following was forwarded to me and it is absolutely true. Everyone
knows that I don't send out erroneous emails. This completely clears up
all the misunderstandings concerning internet hoaxes, conspiracy
theories, pranks, schemes etc. Of course, the following information has
been confirmed by CNN and/or the United States government. So next time
you are unsure if an email that you have received is true or not, please
check with the following to confirm its accuracy. If you feel that any
particular hoax or theory has been left out, please email it to me with
the details and I will include it in future mailings. Once again, the
following is 100% true and well worth the read.
P&G Flash Report The KKK is endorsed by Procter and Gamble, who also
supports the satanists, and who sold Mrs. Field's cookie recipe to
Neiman Marcus for $2,000 after the kiddie tatoos laced with LSD that
were supposed to be used for satanic ritual abuse at that day care
center in Beaufort were mistakenly eaten by the choking doberman who was
bitten by the snake that came out of the fur coat that was worn by the
escaped homicidal maniac whose hook prosthesis was found hanging from
the door of the car of the teenagers who high-tailed it out of a lover's
lane when they heard that he had escaped and then went to the pot party
where the kids who were supposed to be babysitting got high on marijuana
and were so stoned they accidentally put the baby in the oven instead of
the turkey that makes you sleepy because it contains tryptophan because
the microwave was ruined by the exploding poodle that the girl with the
beehive hairdo that turned out to contain roaches who had gotten an
automatic "A" at college because her roommate had committed suicide had
put in to dry after it had gotten wet chasing the vanishing hitchhiker
who had tried to warn the girl that her insides were cooked because she
had stayed too long under the sun lamp at the local tanning salon while
her dad poured a load of concrete into a new convertible parked outside
of the house because he thought it belonged to a guy who was having sex
with his wife but was really a prize he had won in a contest at that
radio station that played rock records that contained hidden commands
and subliminal messages planted by the Jews, international bankers, the
Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Illuminati,
the New World Order, multinational corporations, right wing militias,
Jerry Falwell, the Christian Coalition, Planned Parenthood, and the
spooks at Hanger 18 of Area 51 in Dreamland who performed the autopsies
on the aliens who crashed at Roswell, New Mexico while on a mission to
abduct people and conduct weird sexual and reproductive experiments on
them because they knew we use only ten percent of our brains and that
engineers had "proven" that bumblebees can't fly and that sugar wakes
you up even if you're a CIA agent who has recovered memories about
conspiring with organized crime and anti-Castro extremists to kill JFK
with a magic bullet, and then killed dozens of other people whose odds
of all dying within the period in which they did are infintesimal even
if you don't count their near-death experiences in which an angel guided
them to the light before they were called back because it wasn't time
for them to die like Mikey from the Life cereal commercials did after
eating Pop Rocks(R) candy when his friend Alice Cooper who was Eddie
Haskell on Leave it to Beaver woke up after a one night stand in a hotel
only to find that the girl he was with was gone and had written "Welcome
to the world of AIDS" in lipstick on the bathroom mirror which terrified
him because he knew that it is just as easy to get AIDS from
heterosexual intercourse as it is from homosexual sodomy with an IV drug
user because when the US government created AIDS to commit genocide
against blacks who aren't adversely affected by the minimum wage with
the aid of Korean grocers who don't give anything back to the community
they knew that Anne Klein had said on the Donahue show that she didn't
want blacks buying her clothes because when the poison they put in that
fried chicken at Church's so The Rich could keep the poor down because
they can't be rich if nobody is poor there would be a massive coverup
like the Philadelphia Experiment or the carburetor that can allow a car
to get 100 mpg in perpetual motion just like Nikola Tesla had done a
hundred years ago using the same principal that Uri Geller uses to bend
spoons and psychic friends use to give you valuable insights that
improve your life for amusement purposes only while smoking a cigarette
that has no more been proven to give you cancer than evolution has been
proven to occur because it's only a theory and there are no transitional
fossils and it violates the second law of thermodynamics unlike creation
science which is not religious and fear of irradiated food which is
rational because we know it's bad just like the assault weapons that are
more dangerous than other semi-automatic weapons because they look scary
and ugly and they're ok to ban because the second amendment wasn't meant
to preserve the rights of individuals against the state like the other
nine amendments in the Bill of Rights but instead is the only amendment
designed to protect the state against individuals because if there is no
effective way to keep guns out of the hands of criminals the next best
thing is to keep them out of the hands of law abiding citizens and make
sure only the state has them because countries where the state doesn't
permit its citizens to own guns are never oppressive and the government
doesn't become arrogant and intractable and corrupt because the
government can improve our lives by suspending the laws of supply and
demand to make prices fair and deciding how many people of each race and
sex should be in colleges and jobs which is good because when control of
everyday life is centralized in the state the people who get to make the
decisions are never capricious or highhanded or make decisions favoring
their friends and family and people who pay them money because if only
we can get the right people into positions of control it will be safe to
let them run things because smart people can figure out how to allocate
resources and what fair prices are for goods and services and labor and
who should be allowed to do what much more efficiently and
constructively than just letting millions of people make their own
decisions about what they should eat or drink or smoke or for whom they
should work for under what conditions for how much money on what
schedule based on their own perceptions concerns and plans in accordance
with their best interests.
But I digress . . .
Copyright 2004 by Jay Jennings
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